


Real

by pseudofaux



Category: Samurai Love Ballad: PARTY
Genre: All Sweet, Everyone in the castle: Y'all just GO FOR IT ALREADY, F/M, Have been pecking at this for months, Quick Burn, Shige in Shining Armor, Shige takes direction well, Shige's so dashing, Sweet Talk, TALK IT OUT YOU TWO, all making your tender feelz happy and replete (I pray), all soft, as I edit I am making this more and more romance-y, don't do anything to make Kojuro make the frowny face!, fall in love THEN kiss kiss, gotta get this published before his route comes out THIS MONTH EEEEEEE!, like a really dramatic ~confession~, picturing Kojuro's ANGRY face as a self-help tool, pining and practicality, sake there's always sake, someone just answer her questions and we can avoid a lot of confusion, taiyaki, ~confession~
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-01
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2019-03-25 12:28:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13834290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pseudofaux/pseuds/pseudofaux
Summary: Tsumekusa is impressed by Masamune's cousin, but thinks he's a hopeless flirt. He's not. ;)(M content in chapter 8, solidly G/T until then.)





	1. Winter

**Author's Note:**

> "Tsumekusa" is a type of clover. Bunnies eat it. ;) People in Yonezawa call her Tsumekki, but that's her only nickname despite Shigezane's attempts otherwise.

Winter, Yonezawa

“Tsumekki. This is our cousin, Shigezane. He supposedly lives in Omori but spends most of his time here. Bothering me.” Lord Masamune _rolled his eyes_ and she fought down a smile, to see him be so relaxed. This was new.  
  
But the cousin’s grin was doubly as irresistible; the corners of her own mouth went up before she could even think to keep her face neutral. The cheerful lord seemed to resent none of his introduction. She had never seen such an open smile on a man’s face. The Date were strange birds. _Strange sparrows_ , she thought to herself, _I need to ask Umeko if anyone else has made that joke yet_.

“Hello, doll.”

_Doll?_

Years at the restaurant had put good manners into her very bones, and she remembered them now. So her smile became flat, but did not invert.

Bother. Restaurant patrons who used that endearment were all handsy flirts and best dealt with using a cold shoulder. Some of them even seemed to thrive on it. It disappointed her to think that a Date lord could be so overtly friendly—too friendly. Lord Masamune was not friendly _enough_ , maybe, but he was respectable, and respectful, and decent. They were probably very different, she thought. A shame. For a moment she had expected this Shigezane would be friendlier than his cousin but still… lordly. It did not seem like that was the case.

“I am Tsumekusa, Lord Shigezane,” she said, enunciating both names clearly. “It is an honor to meet you.”

When she came up from her bow, he looked wry. Hurt? Oops. She had wanted to be polite, but perhaps her emphasis on propriety had made her seem unfriendly. How to rein this back to something that would serve Lord Masamune well? Think!

“Is there a food that you like?” Her nerves had her blurting out the question, turning good intention into something heavy that she bumbled in desperation. Her eyes went down; sometimes it was best to act deferential in the moment and sort things out in private later.

Lord Masamune seemed more confused than anything else. Lord Kojuro was behind her but had probably brought his brows down into would-be scold. She had to hope she fixed this properly, quickly, and that all might still be well.

The expression she was trying to change was this Shigezane’s. What of him?

In fact his grin returned, somehow even wider than before. She could not help but think him attractive, and she realized he was… manly, in a way very different than the other two men in the room. He had wide shoulders and a muscular neck, and his skin looked like it spent time under the sun. But the easy smile on his face was sweet and boyish and endearing and _catching_. It invited her to join him in silliness. She would have to be careful around this one.

“I like just about anything made by pretty cooks,” he said through his grin. And he winked at her.

The cheek!

“Shigezane!” Lord Kojuro was **_definitely_** scowling.

“Taiyaki is my favorite.” His answer was a saucy stage whisper. He didn’t reach for her or waggle his eyebrows at her, so perhaps he was a flirt who could take a hint. She would much prefer that.

She bowed to him again, knowing she should give them the room. “I’ll keep that in mind for your future visits to the castle, Lord Shigezane,” she said.

“Please don’t,” Kojuro said, sounding tired. This dynamic of resigned irritation covering camaraderie and trust between the three of them fascinated her, and she hoped she would be able to observe more of it in the future. It was like a drama, with intelligent people pretending they did not like one another when they were really each other’s most important friends. It reminded her of her mother, and her brother, and how she missed them. Less, now that she could write and receive letters as often as Masamune allowed. Encouraged.  
  
Thinking of her fortune, she smiled and inclined her head to Kojuro and then bowed to Masamune, who gave her a thoughtful look and a small nod of permission to leave. She slipped out as unobtrusively as she could.  
  
“Where did you find her?” she could hear Shigezane ask before she had closed the door behind herself. She shook her head at his silly question (because what did it matter? She was here and, thank heavens, seemed to be doing well), but could not dismiss her smile. It was nice to Masamune trusted someone who was so unguarded. She knew his question was purely a response to her novelty, and expected she would be out of sight, out of mind for Lord Shigezane before the hour was up.

* * *

 

But that was not what happened at all.

“Hey! Tsukusa!” The thump of sandals on the wooden walkway was loud and getting louder. It was completely undignified and stood out in the otherwise calm orderliness of Yonezawa. Was someone looking for her?

“Tsuuuuukuuuuuuusaaaaa!”

She stopped, frowning, and turned back the way she came in case someone was trying to find her. ‘Tsukusa’ wasn’t her name but there was no else with a name that came close to it in the castle.

After a beat, Masamune’s cousin whipped around the bend of the building, one hand on the corner as if to help him pivot, running up to her. She tried not to gape at him, but it was difficult... He was a sight, breath trails of steam in the air behind him. What on earth did he need in such a hurry? He bent to put his hands on his knees and breathe in heavily. She decided to just wait, and tried to make her face seem patient and friendly. Like his.

“Do you… have… sake?” he asked, between gulps of air.

“…On me right now, milord?” She braced herself to be smacked by her mother before remembering she was on her own here. _Tsumekusa! **Think** before you speak!_

Was he _blushing_? Maybe she had judged him too harshly yesterday. He was boyish like his smile when they met… all in earnest, then. Silly, but not predatory. She smiled, trying to soften the question and look encouraging. She had not meant to make him uncomfortable. It was just so hard to know what different nobles expected. Masamune and Kojuro barely needed her beyond food they could trust, but guests were sometimes shockingly demanding.

He chuckled, sheepish. Her smile nearly became a grin and she wondered what his wife was like, what kind of people took care of him. What his family was like, if he doted on his children. He seemed to live every moment in the open way she associated with the intimacy of home and close relations. It verged on improper, but not in the ways she had been leery of when they met.

“In the kitchen?” he asked, hopefully, when he had caught his breath.

“There always is,” she assured him. “Do you need me to fetch some? I can go right now.” She raised the tray she was holding, mindful of her shawl on her shoulders, to show him the dishes and that she was headed for the kitchen anyway.  
  
“I’ll get it. I need to take it somewhere you can’t go. But could you show me where the bottles are? The last time I went into the kitchen by myself wasn’t great and I was put on house arrest.”

She raised an eyebrow at his words and the staggering variety of expressive tones he used for them, firm and then pleading and then guilty. She knew well enough not to ask about a place she could not go and did not know him well enough to ask about the house arrest, so she simply nodded and turned to head to the kitchens as she had planned.

“Kojuro was so mad,” mused the man now beside her. Their steps made sounds on the walkway in normal volume and cadence now, his heavier but synced with her own. “Like he’s one to talk about making a mess! But he told me if I went in there unsupervised again there would be hell to pay. And a guy’s got too much to _do_ for all of that.” Shigezane sounded a bit grouchy, and that made her smile again. If her hands were free she would have brought up a sleeve to hide her mouth.

A few steps later, he asked if she would like him to carry the tray. She shook her head but told him she was touched by the offer. And she was.

“’sonly right,” he said. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“Alright, doll. I admire a person who knows their own mind.”

“This is part of my job, Lord Shigezane—”

“Shigezane is fine,” he interrupted, looking down at her. His smile was so eager, still nothing to it save open kindness. She could feel herself go hot, cheeks first. They barely knew one another!

“This is part of my job,” she repeated.

His face fell. Why did she forget herself, forget courtesy, with him? Moreover, though she adored and respected her masters here, was there a single lord in Japan whose response to daily life fell somewhere between bricking off all emotions and bruising like an overripe fruit? So far in her experience it was one or the other, and Shigezane—Lord Shigezane—seemed to be the latter. She needed to rescue them both from this, clearly. She stopped walking and he did, too, immediately.

She leaned just a few inches closer to him. “Lord Shigezane…I’m pretty strong, you know,” she said conspiratorially as she slowly raised the tray over her head. If she knew him better, she might have winked. She considered it. He deserved it.

But even without the wink, oh, when his jaw dropped and his face rapidly transformed to happiness, smile spread wide around a hoot of laughter, she knew it had been worth it to dare the joke. His entire being seemed committed to displaying joy any time he felt it. She felt very pleased with herself.

They retrieved the sake without incident, and when she handed him a tray with the bottle and cups he held her eyes with his for a long moment. With a tiny, bashful, charming, wonderful grin, he said, “Thank you, Tsumekusa.”

It felt so real.

“You’re welcome, Lord Shigezane,” she said back, with a smile that felt silly, but… right. Real. Could they be friends? She had a few, here, and would have liked to have more.

Hours later, thinking over the exchange, she wondered what the nonsense with her name had been.

 


	2. Spring

Spring, Yonezawa 

“Well my, my! Is today a holiday? What are we celebrating with this parade of pretty ladies?”

Tsumekusa could hear the tittering of the maids as clearly as she heard Lord Shigezane’s voice outside the kitchen. She rolled her eyes. The last few visits had proven he would flirt with anything that moved. Maybe even with things that didn’t move. And he would do it until his last breath. He was never threatening or mean with his compliments, and had some magic way of avoiding hurt feelings. But he never turned off the charm, either.

She stopped cutting maitake and held a piece up to the sunshine coming in through the round window. She was becoming accustomed to the quality of ingredients available to her here. These would pair well with the rest of the evening’s dinner, and Lord Masamune seemed to enjoy them the last time she prepared them for him separately. Soup, fish, the mushrooms… She would need something light, something clean, maybe sweet, to round out the meal.

A shadow fell across her work and remained there. Too solid a shadow to be a cloud passing over the sun.

“Doll!” The cheery greeting was coming from the other side of the round window. She looked up to meet his eyes and gave him a little wave before turning to go to the cellar.

“Heyyy—! Tsumekyu! Wait, wait! I’m coming in!”

She really did not have time for this, but she did not want to make Lord Masamune's cheerful cousin unhappy, either. So she waited as he ran to the kitchen doorway. She turned just as he bounced into the room and when their eyes met again she nearly staggered, his smile was so bright. Had anyone, man or woman, ever smiled like that before? Why had no one _warned_ her about that smile?

They just looked at one another for a moment. When he made no move and said nothing, she knew she would have to guide this interaction back to where it should have ended before. Acknowledgment, a wave, Lord Shigezane on his way.

Tsumekusa gestured to the counter. “I need to get this food ready,” she said gently.

His face took on disappointment so quickly that she winced. What she said was true and she was proud to take her work seriously, but she felt guilty for breaking the spell of his happiness. His smile was so beautiful. He was built in such a masculine way that the beauty of his smile ought to be incongruous, but somehow it was perfect on his face. Until someone practical brought him down to the moment, it seemed.

“I—I know,” he said, an arm going across his body to hold the other. He seemed fidgety and chastened, but flicked his eyes to hers and kept them there. “Do you need help?”

She put extra effort into making her answering smile as kind as she could, so the softness could not be missed despite her words. “I can manage. But it’s very nice of you to ask.”

He frowned anyway, eyes sweeping the kitchen. They were quite alone, she realized. Being alone with someone else was a very different thing than being alone by yourself.

“Would another maid help? A few are outside. Or another person skilled with food?”

Her smile became an easier thing on her face. He was comfortable trying to make others comfortable. That was an admirable quality. He would be good in a restaurant. She could not square how the heavy flirting or near-constant ridiculous insincerity came from someone with such a good heart, but… he really did seem to have a good heart.  

“Probably not,” she admitted with a shrug. “I want to do things myself, so I can trust they are done correctly for Lord Masamune and everyone here to support him. And I like the cooking. Honestly. Tonight’s dinner won’t be for so many people that I need help. You’re the most important guest.” She had tried to make that a gentle tease.

It seemed to work. He smiled back, and she felt relieved. Such a silly, tender person; more a boy than a lord. The people in his life must work hard to protect him.

“I’ll, um. Leave you to it, then. Will you be at dinner?” He was looking at her in an eager way she did not understand.

Of course she would be at dinner; she would be serving it!

“I will,” she said, trying to make the answer simple and polite. But the happiness on his face dimmed again, despite that effort. She found herself volunteering more information to try to get him to smile again, end their conversation on a better note. “We are having fish. And these,” she held up the maitake, “and soup with lots of ginger. I’m going to add awasezu somewhere. Will you let me know what you think?”

This time his smile grew slowly, coming up on his face like the softness of sunrise. He bit his lip as his mouth widened. He looked positively delighted. She felt her heart lurch, stutter, speed up. _Careful_ , she reminded herself. _You need to be careful_.

“Sure I will, doll. I’ll taste anything for you.”

She could feel herself blinking and holding the smile when she wanted to drop it. She did not like to make him sad, but she preferred his real sadness to the meaningless artifice of his flirting.

“Hey,” he said, walking a bit closer. “I mean it, you know. Your food is the best, Tsumekusa.”

Her face went down and she bit her own lip, feeling odd about how happy his words made her. She knew she was a good cook, and she was confident enough to need no reassurance. But it made her feel exceptionally warm and valued when Lord Shigezane said that her food was the best. And when he said her name like that, softly, connected only to her. Really to her.

Why did he keep miscalling her when he seemed to know her name when it counted?

“See you at dinner?”

She looked back up to him, and smiled, and nodded. His quick grin, hopefully honest and definitely cheeky, made her want to laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maitake are mushrooms (like shiitake, etc.), awasezu is a sweet-ish vinegar preparation.


	3. Summer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Get you a Shige in shining armor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Action chapter! Umeko appears! ilysm, Umeko.

Summer, Yonezawa

  
For the first time it days it was not raining or preparing to rain. The glory of summer was upon them at last. Everyone was spending whatever free time they had outside. Tsumekusa and Umeko strolled the length of the veranda that surrounded the eastern garden, arms linked.

“I wish we could stay out all day,” Umeko said. “It's good to stretch. Everything feels stuffy in the castle, but the air outside… mmm!”

Tsumekusa smiled. “Me, too. The kitchen swelters in rainy weather; it’s like a bathhouse and it makes me sweat! I want to go stand in the rain for a break, sometimes.”

Umeko’s expression of mock horror made her laugh. “Tsumekki! I think that’s the most scandalous thing I’ve ever heard you say. What if someone saw you?!”

“Since they’d be near the kitchen, too, I’d probably invite them out into the rain to cool off,” she countered, waggling her eyebrows with as much exaggeration as she could manage before she broke into giggles. In Umeko she had found a special, trustworthy friend. The kind she could dare to be a little bawdy with from time to time.

Outside at last, laughing with a good friend, and fine, clean air on their faces. What an unexpected and wonderful treat.

“ ** _HOW DARE YOU?!_** ”

Both women stopped and turned toward the sound.

A portly lord she recognized as a visitor but could not name was barreling toward them, scowling. Umeko’s arm came out of hers and the maid was bowing instantly. Tsumekusa moved to make the same obeisance.

“Milord Ashimome, is something the matter?” Umeko managed to be calm as the red-faced man stomped in front of them. How could anyone be such a grouch on a day like today?

“You! Maid. My bedding reeks of horse piss! You think I wouldn’t notice? I saw you in my room earlier!”

“Every apology, milord,” Umeko said deferentially. “I will replace it for you. May we put some incense in your room, or draw the window to let in the day’s fresh air? Or would milord prefer a new room?”

She was impressed with Umeko’s grace under pressure. The color of Lord Ashimome’s face showed he was not mollified.

“Just go there immediately and wait for me,” he demanded. Imperious. His sneer was all slime. This man was not the lord of this castle! 

And now he looked _lecherous._ His eyes were glittering covetously. Toad.

Tsumekusa’s eyes narrowed. Beyond the issue of the repugnance of the man, there was no need for what he was ordering Umeko to do.

“Milord,” Umeko began, voice placating, “I will need to get the fresh bedding first, and then—"

“I said immediately, stupid wench!” And he _pulled_ her friend by the arm, and did not stop when Umeko yelped—

“What’s all this?” came a voice from behind Tsumekusa, a strong hand on her shoulder halting her step forward.

The question was drawled, but too pointed and too loud to be lazy. Authoritative without any of the shrillness of Ashimome. She turned to seek help from this person, and was quite surprised by his face. She had never heard or seen Lord Shigezane like this before. His face was not kind or inviting. He looked… cold. His mouth was a line so flat it looked sharp. His voice seemed deeper. So different.  
  
“Please,” she started, and her voice came out with a tremble; stress and relief were in her throat and she thought she might cry. She gestured to Umeko, who was silent, still held by Lord Ashimome. Lord Shigezane’s eyes moved to Tsumekusa’s and then narrowed as he looked back to the other man. He used his hand on her shoulder to pull her back, quickly, steadying her with his other hand. Then the warmth of both was gone, and he stepped forward and grabbed Lord Ashimome’s arm.

“Unhand this woman. **_Immediately_**.”

When he talked through his teeth, Lord Shigezane sounded dangerous.

Lord Ashimome scowled, but knew who had given him an order. He released Umeko’s arm and Tsumekusa leaned forward to pull her friend back behind their rescuer.

“Are you okay?” she whispered, putting her hands on Umeko’s shoulders.

Umeko nodded tightly, but her cheeks were wet. Tsumekusa hugged her and stroked her hair. And silently cursed Lord Ashimome from behind the safe bulk of Lord Shigezane, whom she silently cheered.

“We’re safe,” she said. “I’m sorry, Umeko.”

From in front of them, Shigezane’s voice was still deep, and even colder. “Masamune is going to hear about what just happened. Everything under this roof is his, and he will not like what you have done. I’ve just left council and he is in a foul mood.”

“Only… maid...” Lord Ashimome tried, but he quailed.

Lord Shigezane’s voice was soft when he spoke again. So soft the cut of his words made their target's eyes bulge.

“Do you think the One-Eyed Dragon would take kindly to you touching what is his?”

When Lord Ashimome only gawped, Lord Shigezane sighed, the ice seeming to go out of his posture. He looked so weary. Tsumekusa considered taking his hand and squeezing it but thought he probably did not need her help.

“Because your thinking is so naive, you will be assigned a nursemaid for the remainder of your visit to Yonezawa.” Shigezane turned his head, eyes flicking down to look at Umeko. Then he looked ahead of him again, calling out “Shiromi!” in a loud, clear voice. Tsumekusa did not recognize that name. Umeko covered her mouth, trembling, and she set aside thoughts of new people—what was the use, Yonezawa was an endless parade of new people, she was very glad to be a cook and not a page—to focus on her friend.

Despite her intention, the man who rose from his seat on a veranda was much too big to ignore. And Tsumekusa felt sure he had not been sitting there a moment ago.

“Milord,” he boomed quietly, bowing to Lord Shigezane. 

“Be this man’s shadow until he leaves the castle tomorrow, and if he seems likely to forget his manners again, remind him.”

Shiromi bowed again, lower.

“You,” Lord Shigezane addressed the disgraced man in front of him, “Should devote your time here to making sure I am not grateful to have assigned Shiromi to protect you from your own mouth. Disrupt life here in any other way and you will sleep in the moat.” He raised his chin to Shiromi, who all but dragged the ashen faced Lord Ashimome out of the garden. The latter sputtered the whole way.

When the two men were gone, Lord Shigezane visibly sagged. Without turning around he asked, “Umeko. You alright?”

“Yes, milord. Thank you. I promise, there was—”

“I know, doll, I know. Don’t worry.” he assured, turning around now, his whole body this time. He was smiling, but it was _sad_. “You’re far more trusted here than he is. And what I said… that’s not really how Masamune thinks.”

Umeko bowed very low. “Thank you for your trust, Lord Shigezane. I know Lord Masamune isn’t like that.”

“Trust is earned,” he said, the grin back on his face, in his voice. He held up a small roll of fabric, bound with a cord. “When your break is over, could you take this to my room, please?”

“Of course! I’ll go now, milord.” Umeko took the fabric and bowed deeply. “Thank you again. Tsumekki, we’ll talk more later.”

And then she was gone. Was she really alright?

Lord Shigezane sighed and walked the few steps to the wall, leaning against it. Tsumekusa did the same a few inches beside him. It was idle, and she knew the moment could not last long, but now that it was safe, the summer air felt even better. She wanted to thank him. She wanted to spend whatever time she could next to him.

She was unsure how to articulate any of that, or if any of it was okay to say at all.

“Why is Lord Masamune in a foul mood?” she asked quietly after a minute of silence.

He looked over to meet her glance, frowning. “Huh?”

“You said the council made him unhappy?”

He huffed a laugh. “Masamune’s only his usual self, I think. I wasn’t actually with him before I came here.”

She grinned, feeling let in on a secret. She decided to poke him for it and try to make him smile for real again. “An untruth! And as you were daring to lecture someone else on a lapse of manners!” It was hard to sound prim through a smile. It was hard to believe she felt safe enough to joke about what happened. But she did. 

He grinned back. Just grinned at her. And _there_ it was, those cheeks up like plums on his face and the white flash of teeth inviting. That grin, she knew now, was just as dangerous as his soft smiles. And even knowing that, she couldn’t bear to not look at it, not to share it. So they grinned at each other for a moment before some Lord Shigezane’s smile went back to his frown. 

“Shiromi won’t slip up, so don’t go looking for trouble with Ashimome. I saw how mad you were, Tsumamechi.”

“I wouldn’t!” she insisted, trying to sound convincing.

“Good,” he said, smiling again. “A man’s gotta be able to enjoy saving people sometimes, you know?”

She nodded. “You should. You did save us. Especially Umeko. I… wasn’t sure what to do. I’m still learning what I can do here. But I don’t think it would have been okay if you hadn’t stopped him. Thank you.”

“Eh, public service, duty, all that,” he said, waving a hand, flippant. He leaned the back of his head against the wall and looked ahead at the garden.

“I mean it, Lord Shigezane,” she said softly, trying to make him understand she was sincere. That her thanks were real. She was willing him to look over at her, but he continued to look only forward. The masculinity of his profile was striking. And his hair, and... were the tips of his ears a little pink, or was it shadow? She had to fight yet another urge to reach for his hand.

“I told you, doll, ‘Shigezane’ is fine,” he mumbled, into the air.

“Maybe I want to call you Lord,” she pressed. “What you did was very noble.” Was that too much? What was she allowed to say? She was reeling from what had happened, but he had seemed very lordly. What people prayed lords were like. Honoring what he had done should be acceptable, right? 

He cleared his throat. “Listen, Tsumekusa…”

 _There it was again_. “Why do you do that with my name?” she asked, before she could think herself out of it.

“Heh. You noticed, huh?" His face slowly began turning toward hers, and she felt herself smiling in anticipation of their eyes meeting again. "Well, the thing about that particular, unique name is—”

“Shigezane.” Lord Kojuro’s sudden voice from her other side startled them both. They both straightened to stand immediately, twin guilty expressions at having been caught slouching in the middle of the day on their faces. “Where are the…?” Lord Kojuro was looking at Lord Shigezane’s empty hands, his face quickly revealing exasperation. 

“In my room. I’ll go get them.”

Understanding the lords needed to be somewhere, she made a quick bow and murmured her respect. And made herself walk away. She wanted to look back at try to catch Lord Shigezane’s eye so she could give him a parting smile, and she really wanted to hear his answer to her question. But Tsumekusa knew it would be better to leave. She did _not_ want to get either of them in trouble with Kojuro.

To keep herself from turning, she tried to breathe in all the fresh summer air she could. But all she thought of were Lord Shigezane’s pinked ears, his low voice, and how immediately he had made her feel safe. _Careful,_ she warned herself again. But to her shame the admonition was small and warbly and not very strong at all. It had gotten so much smaller, all his visits to Yonezawa wearing her down. He might not be sincere, but she didn’t think he would ever hurt her. Her ability to hurt herself—say, by doing something exceedingly foolish by falling for a noble, and not even the one she served at that—was what worried her.

She thought of Lord Kojuro’s stern face to put her thoughts elsewhere. She did immediately feel chastised, and then she giggled again.

So many things had happened in the last few moments. The day really had been saved.

That night she asked a maid to take Shiromi both of the generous dinner portions she prepared for him, knowing he would be posted outside Ashimome’s room and unable to eat in the hall. And she stayed up late to make Lord Shigezane an entire tray of taiyaki. She didn’t know what jam he preferred, so she used them all. Gladly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It had to be Umeko because Matsuko, LONG MAY SHE REIGN, woulda busted Ashimome in the nose. #Matsuko2020
> 
> A kind friend told me this story is reminding her of a historical romance, and I think this chapter is where that is strongest. That was a very freeing thing to be told, so thank you x a million, sweet Widya! Writing this like a romance on purpose is different and lets me feel like it's okay to make this gushy and sweet.
> 
> trollololol Tsumekusa using Kojuro's mad face as a deterrent to her own wayward (they aren't even that wayward, girl!) thoughts. I heart Kojuro lonnnnng time, for the record.


	4. Autumn (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Setting up a change of setting...

Autumn, Yonezawa

It had been awhile since Lord Shigezane’s last visit to Yonezawa. Tsumekusa knew that he had his own castle, but Lord Masamune had been right: his cousin was here with them often. Often enough that it seemed quiet without him. Not unhappy, but less cheerful. Maybe a little dull. She wanted him to come back.

_Oh, dear._

She was not sure how, precisely, she wanted to see him, and every time she caught herself thinking about it she summoned that image of Lord Kojuro’s face to berate herself. But she couldn’t condition herself out of missing Lord Shigezane’s lively silliness, and… and his compliments on her food, and even whatever game it was he was playing with her name.

What was he doing that he had gone so long without a visit? She did not know of any campaigns, and the rainy season had ended, thankfully, so his travel should not have been halted. Was he sick? Was there a baby in Omori? Fathers didn’t usually have the opportunity or inclination to stay long to enjoy their new children, but perhaps for a lord it was different. And who could resist a chubby-cheeked ever-smiling baby with gold-brown-gray eyes who made everyone around him happier, or perhaps a surprisingly serious little girl, with her father’s face…

“Tsumekki?” An older maid, Miwako, was trying to get her attention.

“I’m sorry! I was daydreaming,” she confessed with a smile. “Yes, Miwako?”

“Lord Masamune is asking for you,” the maid said. “He’s in Lord Kojuro’s rooms.”

That was very out of the ordinary. Hmm.

“Do they want tea?” she asked, reaching for supplies.

“No,” said Miwako, looking perplexed. “He asked that you come straightaway.”

 “I’ll go now, then. Thank you, Miwako.”

* * *

“Good afternoon, Tsumekusa-san,” Lord Kojuro greeted her, his manners faultless as always.

“Milords,” she said as she tilted her head down, trying to match his formality. “How may I serve you?”

There was a long silence, and then Lord Masamune spoke.

“We will be traveling to Omori for a few nights,” he said, quietly.

She waited for more, trying to calm the sudden spike of her pulse. There probably _was_ a baby! They could be going for a feast! And they were probably telling her this because they wanted her to go, too, right? She was a good cook. Even Lord Masamune liked her food.

She tried, tried, tried not to fidget, or to press Lord Masamune with her eyes. That made him nervous.

The men exchanged one of their _looks_. Lord Kojuro cleared his throat.

“I would like you to go with us,” Lord Masamune said, the admission sounding guilty. Had he just been prompted? “Shigezane’s househould is in good order, but I need to be able to… trust to eat.”

“Of course, milord,” she answered with a smile. Not too big, that made him nervous, too. A small, happy smile. “It is always an honor to prepare food for you. Should I pack ingredients from our kitchen?”

Lord Kojuro beamed and she felt herself relax a little further. He could be stern, but he was a nice man. He liked it when people tried their best for Lord Masamune, certainly. And she saw his angry face so often in her own head lately that it was good to be reminded he didn’t always look severe.

The men exchanged another look. She was used to this now, and waited patiently. She allowed herself to wonder how long it had taken them to develop this ability to communicate without speaking. It was really something.

“…Yes,” Lord Masamune said finally. “Enough for the meals of three days. A group of four of us will travel together. That number includes yourself. We’ll eat lunch here tomorrow and then depart.”

She nodded. “Is there anything in particular you would like me to prepare?”

Lord Kojuro flashed her a small, kind smile. Directly, this time.

“No,” Lord Masamune answered quietly. “Whatever you make will be fine.”

“Thank you, milord,” she said, with a small smile of her own. Now that she was almost a year into service here, she could read him well enough to know that this permission and reasoning were given because he meant his answer, not because he could not be bothered.

“Is there anything else I can do?”

“No, Tsumekusa-san. Thank you.” That was Lord Kojuro, who she now realized had not spoken since he greeted her. She could not remember the last time Lord Masamune had done most of the talking when Lord Kojuro was also present. She knew he was kind, and had made an effort to be less rigid after her first month here. He always thanked her politely for his meals. Maybe he was getting more comfortable around her? She would like that.

She bowed to both of them and excused herself.

**_Omori!_ **

* * *

Their journey was easy. She was very grateful to already have been taught how to share a horse. It would not have been as easy a trip if she had been new to the activity. Lord Masamune rode alone, of course, cutting a noble profile despite his simple wardrobe. When she asked Lord Kojuro, as politely as she could manage, if she would have the honor of riding with him, he made a curious sound and immediately directed her to the other retainer who was traveling with them. That was odd. But the weather was pleasant, the hakama she was wearing allowed her to sit comfortably, and the retainer she shared the horse with was respectful.

The party traveled faster than she thought they would.

When they arrived, there were two men stationed at the gate of Omori. She recognized the face of the larger one.

“Hello,” she mouthed to Shiromi with a wave. He inclined his head just enough for her to be sure he’d done it.

Lord Kojuro told the men who they were, and the men moved aside and they walked through the castle gate. She clutched her bag of ingredients and tried to keep close to the Lords she knew. After the deep forest that had surrounded her all morning, the clear space of the courtyard seemed enormous. As she thanked the taciturn retainer who had brought her here on his horse, someone touched her elbow.

“Hello there, are you the cook? I can take you to the kitchens,” offered a woman.

Tsumekusa looked to Lord Masamune. He nodded. So she went.

The woman was a maid, and her name was Matsuko, and she was very kind. A basin of water had been prepared for Tsumekusa to use to wash her face and hands before entering the kitchen proper. The cook of Omori was a jovial man who had been told to expect her, and he had prepared generous space for her to work. He told her she could keep her ingredients in her room and buy more in the castle town whenever she liked, but she would need to leave her knives in his care.

Matsuko, still in the kitchen, let them know that Lords Masamune, Shigezane, and Kojuro would probably be ready for refreshments soon. When Tsumekusa looked back to the cook, he nodded indulgently. Then he patiently showed her the location of everything she needed as she worked to ready a tray. She was used to carrying her work to Lord Masamune herself. She didn’t want a maid to be overwhelmed by something too heavy, but wanted to provide the lords with choices.

Surveying the final spread on the tray, she nodded and lifted it by the handles, ready to give it to another castle servant. Matsuko was waiting with a tray of drinks, and smiled at Tsumekusa as she asked, “Ready?”

“I get to take it?” she asked

“Isn’t that what you usually do?” The cook sounded amused.

“Yes,” she told him with a laugh. “But I’m not sure where to go…”

Now Matsuko laughed. “You’d better follow me, then,” she teased.

They chatted amiably on the way, every corner they turned revealing more of the beautiful castle. The air here smelled like forest and fresh water. It was a lovely place.

And then Tsumekusa heard voices she knew, and Omori suddenly seemed even lovelier.

Matsuko grinned. “Do you like the lords you serve?” she asked.

Tsumekusa nodded enthusiastically. “They’re very good men,” she said carefully. “Lord Masamune is strong and noble, and he…” she puzzled over how to put it respectfully. “He is always concerned with the well-being of the clan. He  and I am proud to serve him. Lord Kojuro is always concerned with the well-being of Lord Masamune, but he is the most capable person I have ever met.”

Matsuko’s smile widened. “Lord Shigezane is the same! Strong, kind, good. He is very loved, and he has earned it.”

Tsumekusa thought that was the perfect time to ask about his family and possible reasons for their visit, but Matsuko stopped walking beside a door. The voices she’d recognized were coming from behind it. Kojuro sighed dramatically just as Matsuko set her tray down to kneel and announce them.

A laugh came from the other side of the door. It was warm and friendly and it set her heart at ease just before setting a thousand birds into flight in her stomach and under her skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What VERY CURIOUS BEHAVIOR we seem to have here. Whatever could Kojuro be up to? Does the cook in Omori ship it?!


	5. Autumn (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moving to Omori = the plot thickens!

Autumn, Omori

_Tsumekusa thought that was the perfect time to ask about his family and possible reasons for their visit, but Matsuko stopped beside a door. The voices she’d recognized were coming from behind it. Kojuro sighed dramatically just as Matsuko set her tray down to kneel and announce them. Tsumekusa heard a laugh that set a million butterflies into flight in her stomach and under her skin._

When Matsuko slid the door open, Lord Shigezane was chuckling just on the other side, clearly ready to help bring things into the room.

The laughter stopped abruptly when he faced them. Tsumekusa dared to look up and meet his eyes. They looked stunned, and not exactly happy.

“Ah,” he said, and he had never seemed so unenthusiastic before. But then, brightening almost as quickly as shadows had fallen over his expression, he added, “It’s, umm, you! Tsumamekusa!” And then he laughed, sounding thrown off guard. Her heart thumped, and she felt very unsettled, but she would think about it later.

“Tsumekusa, would you please bring in the tray?” Matsuko asked from inside.

She bowed to him quickly and did as she had been asked. Matsuko gestured to a good spot for the tray and told her to go ahead and serve.

When she was finished, Matsuko was gone. She was alone with the Lord of Oshu and his closest retainers.

No one said anything. She caught Lord Kojuro looking from Shigezane to the tray more than once.

Lord Masamune sighed quietly, sounding very tired.

“Thank you, Tsumekki. Would you leave us, please?”

“Of course,” she said, grateful for the instruction. She got the feeling the interruption had not been welcome. “Thank you, milords.”

When she came up from her quick bow, Lord Masamune had something else to say. This day was making her dizzy.

“Do you know how to get back to the kitchens?” he asked with overly apparent curiosity. He had never spoken to her like that before. The question was pointed, and something about the way he asked made it sound to her like there was something else she was supposed to understand.

At the tone and the question, she froze. She certainly did  _ not  _ know how to get back to the kitchens. She hadn’t paid attention to the way Matsuko had gotten them there at all.

Lord Kojuro cleared his throat, and just as she was starting to really panic, Lord Shigezane said, “I can take you back,” and there he was, holding out a hand before she had even begun to stand up.

“I…”  _ can find my way back _ , she wanted to say, but she wasn’t really sure she could. “… would appreciate that,” she said with a self-deprecating grin. “I should have paid better attention earlier.” She hoped he wasn’t upset with her. Something about her being there seemed to have ruined the easy peace of the room. She knew that was a self-centered thought but it was hard to shake the idea.

The lord of the castle blinked at her, breathed out a little sigh through his nose. But his smile, his real smile, did not leave his face. “You’re not in trouble, doll. You’re in a new place. I can see you back to the kitchens.”

Tsumekusa felt her cheeks warm. She had thought to just duck out and wander until she found something she recognized. Was he trying to take care of her in a friendly way or being patronizing?

Friendly. Of course he was being friendly. He was always friendly. He was only taking her back to the kitchens. Friendly, but a Samurai. And she was a cook. And she had been asked to leave, so she really needed to go.

She did not trust her voice when her thoughts were in such a spiral, so she gave a little nod and put her hand in his to stand more quickly than she could on her own.

_ Oh.  _ **_Oh_ ** _ , _ they hadn’t ever touched each other’s skin, had they? His hand was smooth and warm, and a little bit… sweaty? She wished she could look at it up close. Instead she looked at Lord Shigezane’s face, and tried not to shiver at the thrill of touching him, of being so near to him, of being focused on so intently. His eyes were a magnificent golden brown, the color of a deer; they looked deep and kind and his smile made them crinkle in the corners. She could not seem to look away from him. Those biwa seed eyes coaxed her to blink slowly and stay right where she was...

Lord Kojuro cleared his throat again.

Tsumekusa yanked her hand to her side, bobbed a rapid nod at Lord Shigezane, and fled to the safety of the hallway. She could hear Lord Masamune’s sputter of concern but she was already in motion, and she heard Lord Shigezane responding so she just waited outside, trying to slow down her heartbeat and generally be less of a fool. Leaning against the outside wall trying to slow her breathing, her instinct was to run… but she didn’t know which way to go. She wished with some misery that hiding was an option.

Lord Shigezane slid the door shut behind him.

“Alright there, Tsumekusa?” His voice was warm—everything about him was warm, he made her _ feel _ so warm—and soothing, and he sounded like himself again. She did not trust herself to talk, so she just nodded, trying to give him a sheepish smile. His answering grin ruined all her work at calming her heartbeat. But it also made her feel less isolated, so she pushed herself off the wall.

He gave her a little nod and gestured ahead. “Omori’s not tricky, but to get your bearings takes a while,” he said kindly.

“I certainly need to learn how to get to and from the kitchen,” Tsumekusa admitted. “Any shortcuts I should know about?”

The sudden joy on his face was boyish and bright, and it made her heart contract painfully.  _ Be practical _ , her mind whispered, but her heart shouted  _ Here, here he is _ ! And there he was. Lord Shigezane, who was friendly, and warm. He slowed and leaned over to her conspiratorially.

“As a matter of fact…” he began, pointing off to one side.

And he showed her several shortcuts, including the one he told her was the very best, and made her promise not to tell anyone. None of her half-hearted reminders that he should go back to his meeting seemed to have any effect on his determination to show her how to get around the castle. Curiously, no one found them, either, to drag him back.

So they were together most of the afternoon.

When Lord Shigezane finally deposited her back at the kitchens, the cook’s eyebrows were nearly to the ceiling, and his knowing smile almost as high on his face. Tsumekusa grinned back. She couldn’t help it. The smile did not leave her face as they worked together on the evening’s feast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Masamune. XD Poor EVERYBODY. Next chapter is some of that goooooood gooooood romance stuff. How is this reading to y'all? I'm letting myself be really trope-y as I edit and rework this, and allowing myself to not be overly practical (even while Tsumekusa is like "practical, practical, practical, a right angle is ninety degrees, etc. etc.") about interruptions and just GIVE them magic time together is freeing. The tension in the room early in this chapter will be addressed before the story ends!


	6. Autumn (3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CONFESSION TIME :D :D :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longer chapter today. Important things to get in the story!

Autumn, Omori

After all the dishes had been carried out and back in from the feast, Tsumekusa cleaned the kitchen with the cook (who was named Junshi), and Matsuko. Her time with them had shown her that servants were treated well in Omori, and they were very fond of their Lord. Junshi had served Lord Shigezane’s branch of the Date for most of his life, and he shared stories of what things had been like in Omori during that time. It sounded like Lord Masamune had always been quiet, but he liked climbing trees and playing outdoor games as a child and had always been gentle with animals and nature. Tsumekusa smiled to think of it, how some things changed and some things did not.

It sounded like Lord Shigezane had never been without the gregarious nature she knew. Junshi’s stories made her smile all over again. Her cheeks were tired but she was so comfortable and happy she barely noticed.

With three sets of hands, kitchen cleanup was quick work. Tsumekusa’s new friends invited her to stay and enjoy the warmth of the kitchen and a drink, and tell them some of her own stories.

So she told them about her family and the restaurant, and how Lord Masamune encouraged her to write and receive letters so she could remain connected to them. About Umeko’s steadfast friendliness, and how the cooking styles differed in the north from in Kyoto. When she hinted delicately at the state of Lord Kojuro’s study at the castle, Junshi and Matsuko both howled with laughter.

“Having a party, hmm?” asked a familiar voice from the door, amused.

Tsumekusa bolted up from her seat. Junshi and Matsuko did not.

“Lord Shigezane,” she said, bowing. He looked at her like she was a bit silly, and the coziness of the kitchen shifted to something uncomfortably quiet.

“Having a bit of a party,” Junshi volunteered after a beat.

Lord Shigezane smiled. “Well, that’s always good,” he said. And then he turned to her and asked “Ready for bed, Tsumamekusa?”

The rapid tumble of emotions caused by his attention no longer made her dizzy, but it still confused her. Embarrassment at the intimate implications he didn’t mean. The fondness that he would show her to her room himself. Worry he was shirking duty to do so. Her own desire to disregard all of it.

And all that as she was moving to him, eager as a child to see his smile and try to return to their special time in the castle from this afternoon.

“Your room is a nice one,” he promised cheerily, “but unfortunately that means it’s on the other side of Omori.”

She just managed to stifle her groan. This had been a marvelous day, but she was weary at the end of it and very ready to go to sleep.

“Hey!” Junshi said, making a shooing gesture. “Out of my kitchen. I don’t like your implication.”

Lord Shigezane laughed, and Junshi smiled.

“Forgive me. Finest kitchen. Finest cooks! Not the finest place to sleep.”

“Speak for yourself,” Junshi shot back, wiggling comfortably on the bench he was sitting on.

Unsure how long their friendly banter would go on, Tsumekusa walked to the door. She hid a yawn behind her hand.

“I’m off, my very fine cook,” Shigezane waved. Junshi snorted.

Lord Shigezane pointed the way they should walk, and because his sense of decorum was unlike any other lord’s, he walked beside her.

Nighttime in Omori was crisp outside the kitchen. It was chilly and clear, and there was a swath of haziness in the sky Tsumekusa didn’t think was a cloud. The scent of the surrounding trees gave every breath a clarity she had rarely experienced. She took in a deep breath through her nose and allowed herself to revel in the cool, pine-perfumed air.

“It smells really nice here,” she told him.

He agreed.

“Do you miss it when you’re in Yonezawa?” she asked.

“Here’s your room!” he said, sounding overbright. His eyes were closed over his big smile, and his hand was touching the back of his neck. He looked nervous. Maybe he was tired, too?

“Thank you, Lord Shigezane,” she said quietly. She slid open the door.

But she did not move to enter the room.

“Everything look alright?” he asked.

“Umm… yes,” she said slowly.

“Alright, then. Everyone else has probably turned in for the night. See you in the morning?”

She tore her eyes away from the room.

“Ah… yes. Lord Shigezane, are you sure this is where I’m supposed to be staying?”

He frowned and leaned in to look over her and into the room. She smelled more pine, smelled salt, felt more warm—felt so much more warm—and more nervous and more relieved. _There_ was the dizziness, back again. As tired as she was she whimpered at the rush of him flooding her senses. The tiny sound came out through her nose.

He looked down at her without moving away. “Yeah. This is your room, Tsumekusa,” he said, so very, very softly.

He didn’t move. She felt a wave of goosebumps rise on her skin, another following it. Her skin was a shore and on the other side of it was a great sea she did not understand.

She couldn’t order her thoughts with his body that close to hers, with his eyes on hers looking so soft.

Suddenly, he said loudly, “So, goodnight!” and he stepped away. She felt… something. She was too tired to quite know.

“Thank you,” she told him again. She was nearly swaying with fatigue, and before she could think better of it, she had offered a sleepy “Goodnight. Sweet dreams.”

His face relaxed.

“Sweet dreams,” he murmured.

She went inside her room, her tired and overstimulated body protesting another moment in the presence of anything but a futon.

Bereft, she realized, as she dressed for sleep. What she had felt when he stepped away was _bereft_. The feeling was still there in the back of her mind, even as she slid into the most exquisitely plush bedding she had ever touched. It suited the room.

Before sleep claimed her, and it could only have been a moment or so, she told herself to be careful. Then she remembered the fun of being shown the castle shortcuts that afternoon, and she gave herself over to sweet, incautious dreams. But mostly to the sleep her body desperately needed.

* * *

Almost everyone in the castle ate breakfast in the hall the next morning. Lord Masamune made minimal but polite conversation when they saw one another there. Lord Kojuro responded when she greeted him but said nothing else and excused himself as soon as he had finished eating.

To fill the silence left in Lord Kojuro's sudden absence, she asked “Lord Masamune, where are the members of Lord Shigezane’s family?”

Lord Masamune looked thoughtful.

“We are each other’s family,” he said quietly. It made her smile until he followed it with “His parents are…”

“Oh,” she said.

He nodded.

“But his—”

“I need to… go,” Lord Masamune said, interrupting her and shuffling back from his breakfast.

“Of course. I will bring you your lunch, milord.”

He nodded and gave her the expression she knew meant he was trying to smile but having a hard time with it. She gave him an easy smile in return.

When breakfast was finished, she visited the castle town with Matsuko for ingredients. The rest of her day was quiet, and she was even allowed time to nap in the afternoon. She knew she should take it and get back to that glorious futon but she chose to cut into that time by looking at the dense woods surrounding the castle until she had her fill of the sight.

* * *

That night, her last night in Omori, Lord Shigezane came to the kitchens again. She wanted to get her fill of the sight of him, too, so she said a quick goodnight to Junshi and left the kitchen with the lord of the castle.

Lord Shigezane had smiled when he greeted her, but he was quiet now, and walking slowly.

“Are you tired?” Tsumekusa asked.

“Hmm? A little, maybe,” he said. He sounded distracted.

“What did you do today?” she asked softly.

“Meetings. Out with Masamune and Kojuro after lunch. Had yummy food,” he said, pepping up a little and shooting her a grin.

“I went into town this morning. The people there really like you,” she smiled.

He did, too. She caught another tiny smile pulling at his mouth.

After a moment, she offered “I can see why you would want to stay here,” into their companionable silence.  

“Why’s that?”

“It smells really nice,” she repeated last night’s thought, smiling around a deep breath.

He smiled back, full and real. Her heart thumped.

“Omori is a beautiful castle and I’m sure you and your family are happy here,” she said, words coming from her spine, from her good sense.

“…family?”

She blushed, but stopped walking to turn to him. “Family…?”

He laughed. It was not his usual joyful laugh, and the bitter sound _hurt_ to hear. She tucked her head down to try to hide her deepening blush at the mistake and started walking again.

“I thought you were staying here because you had a baby,” she said. Everything felt very uncertain all of a sudden.

At that, or possibly at her expression, he guffawed. “NO, doll. No babies. Not, um… No. I’m kind of the baby, I guess. Haven’t found the right person yet.”

“…You’re not even married?”

“Don’t you think you’d know if I was? Masamune keeps me kinda busy, y’know?”

_Look ahead, look down, do **not** look at his face_

“I just expected that you were, that’s all.” _No._ “You’re a noble. And you’re so… friendly,” she said lamely. _**Stop**._ “I’ve never met anyone as friendly as you are.” Wanting to make sure he understood she wasn’t judging him, she looked up to meet his eyes.

To see _precisely_ why she shouldn't have.

Shigezane was looking right at her face, his own a study of incredulity and hurt.

“You really thought I was _married_.” His voice was flatter than she had ever heard it.

“I… I did. Now I know that was wrong, and I’m sorry. It wouldn’t be a bad thing to be married, and it’s not to not be married! I’m just surprised, is all! I really thought you were, and that was part of why we were coming to you, instead of you… coming to Yonezawa… Because… you haven’t, in a while…” Her words tapered off into silence as she saw his face become increasingly miserable.

“Lord Shigezane, I’m _sorry_. I can see my mistake upsets you and I’m sorry, I don’t ever want to upset you—”

Tsumekusa dared to take a step toward him, but he held out a hand to halt her. She blinked at his stiff fingers, feeling horrified. They had only been close a few times, but she could not remember him ever indicating he wanted her away from him. It felt like frost was settling on everything inside her.

“No,” he muttered, pressing fingers to his forehead. “You wouldn’t ever want to do it.”

“I wouldn’t,” she insisted softly. “I’m sorry.”

He just sighed. Shook his head. He scratched behind one of his ears.

“Tsumekusa. I know that your name is Tsumekusa.”

She smiled a little. Yes, she had known that, despite his silliness making it seem otherwise. He always knew it and used it when her name really counted.

“I have _always_ known that your name is Tsumekusa. Every time I’ve called you something else I’ve been trying to get you to correct me, yell at me, talk to me, anything. I’m desperate for your attention, doll.”

She blinked at him, not quite daring to hope. “But aren’t you the same way with everyone?”

“ _No!_ ” his howl was so sad and immediate it hurt her heart.

“I’m sorry,” she said, voice trembling. She reached for him again despite his earlier rejection. But he flinched from her hand and she let it fall, feeling like there was no ground beneath her feet. She had been so careful and things were all wrong anyway.

“I’m sorry. I thought that you were kind like this,” she gestured between them, “to everybody. That you flirted with everybody. I didn’t think that there was anything different about…” she touched her chest and splayed her hands in front of herself. She couldn’t even say it. That little something hopeful and stupid was blooming in her heart and she wanted to shut it up but she had to make him _understand_ first, so that he wasn’t so unhappy.

“You’re different,” he said as he looked up to the heavens, sounding so exhausted she did start to cry.

“Lord Shigezane, please don’t make me watch you suffer without letting me do something,” she begged, taking a small step closer to him. “Please look at me.”

He sighed, shrugged. But he didn’t move when her hand went for his again, and he did look down at her. When he met her eyes she saw surprise dawn on his face, and then further misery. His own fingers brushed her cheek, cutting off the track of a tear.

“ _Please_ no tears. I don’t want to make you unhappy. That is the last thing I want.”

“Then you know how I feel! I’m only unhappy because it feels like we aren’t understanding one another!” she cried.

He sighed again and gathered her in his arms, brought her against his chest. This was not what she had in mind when she had asked Shigezane to let her comfort him. But… she was going to take this for herself. _Just a minute of it,_ she told herself. _One minute. Count. **One** minute._

Tsumekusa turned her face so her cheek and her fingers pressed against his body and tried to calm herself down. How had this gotten so terribly mixed up? The smell of him, those salt and pine scents from yesterday and, this close, the warmth of rice and the sweetness of dried grass, was even better than the forest air. She drew in a greedy breath through her nose, trying to get more of it and trying to calm down.

He misinterpreted what she was doing.

“Hey. Shh. I said no tears,” he said quietly, rubbing a circle behind her shoulders. “Can I just hold you for a minute?” he asked into her hair. His other large, strong hand held her head to his chest. Pressed like this, she could hear and feel the low thump of his heartbeat against her cheek. She nodded. The pressure on her head increased slightly.

He was murmuring something, his voice so low she could not parse the words. Tsumekusa brought her face up, brushing his chin with her nose. _Think about all of it later. Live this now. There isn’t much time_. “What?” she asked.

“Saying I dream about this. Not like this,” she could feel his shoulders moving and imagined him pantomiming an exaggerated crying face. “But this.” He squeezed her.

“This…us?” She was trying to keep her voice quiet and steady, make him stay, keep them both safe.

“Yeah,” he said. When she heard his voice, faraway and sad, her heart hurt anew. She would give anything to make him smile again, be happy enough to smile again. She decided the risk of being bold was worth that effort.

“Shigezane,” she said, leaning forward and fitting her chin on his shoulder. Omitting the “Lord” made her feel like she was in some precarious place, but this whole conversation did that, so… she decided to try. She resisted the urge to press her cheek to his ear and instead tried to keep her voice calm and her face ahead. She breathed and wet her lips with her tongue. “I want this,” she dared, squeezing the fabric of his kimono in her hands. _Deep breath. Deep, deep breath_. “I—want to be with you.” There. Her declaration was out. He went very, very still.

After a moment of stillness and its accompanying silence, she warily leaned back to glance at his face.

He was staring at her, mouth agape, eyes wide as she had ever seen them.

“…Really?” he asked, voice higher than normal. He sounded so hopeful. He cleared his throat and repeated himself. Now he was a pitch lower. Could he not sort himself out, either? That made two of them.

Except about this part.

“Yes,” she said on a laughing cry of relief, and buried her face into his shoulder. “Really.”

“Me,” he said, more thoughtful than questioning.

“You!” She insisted into the cloth covering his shoulder, feeling that both of them were very silly. The pace of all these emotions was dizzying yet again. Maybe it was just him. At least this was a happier kind of dizziness.

“Please don’t laugh,” he said, hands on her shoulders moving her back, then going to her cheeks and bringing her forehead to his. He sounded like he might cry himself. This would not do at all.

“Shigezane,” she said softly, trying to catch his eyes with hers as she was catching his own cheeks to cup in her palms. “I laugh because the idea of it being anyone but you is laughable. I only... _you_ are the only one, like this. No one el—mmph!”

 _That was the right way to put it, then_ , she mused, closing her eyes and smiling and settling into Shigezane’s kiss, as insistent and as sweet as a kiss could be. He was pushing his entire body against hers, an arm going around her back and one hand staying to cradle the side of her face. He might have been shivering; the thump of her heart when he kissed her made it hard to tell. _Had he been as worried as all this?_ Perhaps she would need to belabor the point in the future. She would worry about that when his fingers were not beginning to thread through her hair and his tongue was not so, so gently sweeping into her mouth, putting salt and sweetness—the taiyaki from dessert!—and the thrill of lust on her tongue.

He was cherishing her with every touch, she could feel it. She really did want to be this close to him always. After the frenzy of the last few minutes it was soothing just to be this near to him. Shigezane’s body was solid and strong, and she believed he would yield for her instantly if she asked it of him. His touch was gentle but reflected an enthusiastic desire for her. He made her feel special. Warm. Real. Home.

She wanted to make him feel the same things.

“Tsumekusa,” he murmured against her lips, and then he smiled, and then he laughed. He was so much himself again that _rightness_ slid across her heart. “I love you,” He continued. “Not like anyone else.”

Her eyelids fluttered down, and from deep inside her body feelings of safety and desire swooped up and around like kites.

“I’m so glad,” she breathed against his mouth. And she was. She didn’t even care about what that would mean in the future. So she kissed him.

* * *

Moments later they sat close together, looking up at the sky, sharing his haori. The warmth of his body and their shared happiness made her feel cozy, even in the chill. His arm was around her, holding one of her hands against her chest with their fingers laced.

“Don’t go back tomorrow,” He said. “Please.”

“I think I have to,” she replied softly, letting the regret she was feeling come out in her words. “I have to go back to Yonezawa, and Lord Masamune will need food on the way.”

“What if he stayed, too?”

“Well then… I suppose I wouldn’t have to go back tomorrow.” A silly grin was splitting her face. He was so sweet to even want this to last.

“Good,” he huffed, and squeezed her. “That’s settled.”

“I’m not sure it is,” she laughed. “But I hope it is,” she added quietly, and pressed a kiss to his hand. And because this time was magic and she wasn’t thinking of what might or might not be, but she no longer had to _not_ think of how she loved him, she leaned to kiss his jaw, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL. There's that. NOW what are these two going to do?


	7. Autumn (4)

Autumn, Omori

_“Good,” he huffed, and squeezed her. “That’s settled.”_

_“I’m not sure it is,” she laughed. “But I hope it is,” she added quietly, and pressed a kiss to his hand. And because this time was magic and she wasn’t thinking of what might or might not be, but she no longer had to not think of how she loved him, she leaned to kiss his jaw, too._

It was settled, as it turned out. Lord Kojuro left at dawn to go back to Yonezawa, but Lord Masamune would stay in Omori for another two days.

She offered to eat breakfast with Masamune-sama so he wouldn’t be alone. He went stony faced but she could see the tension of his jaw and she waited for his answer. When he gave it, it was agreement, and it came with a little smile. They chatted, conversation somewhat stilted. He trusted her but was still very awkward around women. He asked about her family, and she knew, she just knew, there was no finer person to lead the Date than the man before her. She hoped that the considerate spirit behind the often-misinterpreted quiet would continue to be known.

When she left, he told her to leave the trays, and that someone else would take them back to the kitchen. She was free to spend the morning as she wished.

She went to the kitchens anyway but Matsuko shooed her out. So Tsumekusa wandered. Omori’s morning sounds were quiet on the side of the castle where she found herself, and she decided to go to one of the places Lord Shigezane had taken her so she could admire a view of the forest.

A buzzing from behind her cut the quiet. She was outdoors; it was probably a bug.

The sound got more insistent. She turned to look for its source and saw Lord Shigezane’s head sticking out of a doorway, a smile coming up on his face like sunrise. Her own smile matched it and she ran to him.

Even in the light of morning, being with him made her too happy to fret over what would be. She put herself where she wanted to be in his arms and put her own around his back, giving him a squeeze. His pleased laughter and return squeeze made her feel a million feet tall.

He pulled her into the room with him and shut the door. They stood in the quiet for a moment, smiling at one another.

And then he asked “Can I kiss you?”

His whisper made her eyelids flutter closed. She had to shut out the world, all she wanted to think of right now was him.

“Please,” she breathed back.

He touched his nose to hers and tipped her head back gently. And then his lips were back on her mouth, and for a second she told herself to be _careful_ with her thoughts about how they belonged there, Shigezane was a friend but he was also the Lord of Omori and a Samurai, and… and… and he loved her, and so she sighed with the sweetness of his touch right against his lips and his parted so he could take that breath from her, and several that followed.

Shigezane’s kisses were so tender, so meaningful. All of Tsumekusa’s trembles, sighs, and grasping fingers were out of need for more of exactly what he was doing. She wanted more, but she was so happy—and he was so very good at kissing—that these leisurely, loving touches felt like all she could think to need. Best of all, he seemed to be matching her for every gesture and just as caught up in his feelings as she was in her own.

His hands were around her middle, thumbs stroking just below her ribs. When he moved one hand to stroke at the little charm on the cord around her obi she sucked in an unsteady breath. She was not at all unwilling, but she was surprised. Now? She would be okay with now. She would be okay with any time.

But Shigezane only rolled one of the beads, stroking the bauble so it spun on the cord. All the while kissing her, deeply but softly. Holding her steady; not squeezing her. She was whimpering but everything felt safe. Even as it was exhilarating and new and should have felt dangerous, it only felt good. Shigezane made quiet, soft moans into her mouth but didn’t press, didn’t snap and shove her against a wall as she was half expecting. He was gentle and careful.

It sort of made her love him so much she wanted him to shove her against a wall, but she liked this. A lot.

“Your hair… may I…?” she asked.

“Yes,” he hissed. It was a careless, helpless, happy sound, and it made her giggle. Then the slip of his hair against her fingers made her toes curl, and his nose nuzzling against hers made her sigh.

She had never been so happy. When she pulled back just a little so she could tell him so, he looked right into her eyes and said “Me, either.” His smile when he said it was soft and _Shigezane._ Unable to do anything else, she went back to pressing herself to his body and his mouth.

Time passed, and eventually he caught her lower lip with his and slowly pulled away. It was a concluding moment. Her mouth felt puffy from the kissing and his looked it. Shigezane had the most beautiful, shyly happy expression, and if he hadn’t put his forehead to hers just then she might have reached for him again.

He spun the bead on her obi cord once more and breathed deeply. They both did.

“Tonight,” he whispered. “When there’s nothing to interrupt us.”

She shivered, goosebumps going down her arms like they had been poured on. She nodded.

“I love you,” she said.

“I love you.”

The stood as they were.

“Do you have anywhere you have to be, Tsumekusa?”

“No,” she giggled.

“Damn. I do.”

He sounded so glum she giggled again. She went on her tiptoes to give him one more kiss.

“You should go, then," she said seriously. "Tonight."

“Tonight,” he said, slowly taking a step away from her. He said it like a promise.

* * *

 When she returned to the kitchen to prepare Lord Masamune’s lunch, Junshi was there, merrily slicing vegetables and singing to himself. She put on her apron and set to work on another counter.

“Junshi,” she said softly when his song had ended, “Does Lord Shigezane say anything about Yonezawa?”

“He says the food is good,” Junshi said wryly. She glanced at him and he was grinning. She grinned back.

“I like it when he visits,” she said honestly. “But I feel bad that he has to leave home so often.”

“Don’t,” said Junshi. “We are always here when he returns. It is good to be loved in more than one place.”

She hummed her agreement. Junshi told her more Shigezane stories as they worked.

* * *

"Tsumekki."

"Yes, milord?"

Lord Masamune was writing in his room after lunch, and had given her permission to join him. She was sewing quietly. He had pointed out the shelves of books lining one wall but she needed the peace of the activity she had chosen instead.

"Do you know why Kojuro has left Omori?"

"No, milord."

Lord Masamune blinked twice, seeming to decide something.

"Do you know why we are still here?"

She went very still and very pink.

"Ah..." Should she be honest? Were there still there for the reason she thought they were?

Lord Masamune had only ever been good to her, and was always honest, if not forthcoming. She decided she owed him the same, even at the risk of his censure.

Heart in her mouth, she said quietly "I believe I know, milord," and dared to look at him.

"Good," he said, and went back to his book. There was a tiny, tiny smile at the corner of his mouth.

Had he been _teasing_ her?! He said nothing else.

When she was finished with her stitches, she excused herself and went in search of Matsuko and a chat.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These TWO.


	8. Autumn (5)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~Tonight~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh heavens, here we are. The smut!

Autumn, Omori

Hours later, when the castle was dark and quiet, Tsumekusa left her room for his. She had planned to take deep breaths on the short walk to his door and calm herself, but she nearly screamed when she opened her own door and someone was just outside it.

“It’s me!” Shigezane said, hands up. And then they both laughed a little, feeling silly.

He touched her cheek with his thumb and smiled at her fondly.

“I came to get you,” he said.

“Thank you,” she said quietly, leaning her cheek into his hand.

“Are you… d-do you really want to come with me?” Suddenly his face was all seriousness, and his eyes were searching her face. He looked frantic.

“More than anything,” she told him. He had no reason to look so nervous!

He swallowed and nodded, and took her hand, and led them away from her room. She could feel her pulse racing, and the warm smoothness of his palm against hers. His fingers were laced through her own. She squeezed.

His room was only a few doors from her own, which she thought might explain some of the plush comfort of the room she had been given. She would ask about that later.

It was a surprisingly elegant room, with a beautiful arrangement of flowers and grasses in an alcove. She had learned a lot from Junshi in the last two days and wondered if Shigezane had arranged them himself. The lamps in the room cast just enough light for comfort and privacy.

“Do you want tea? Sake? Anything?” Shigezane used his free hand—the other was still holding hers—to gesture to a table that was covered in drinks and cups.

She shook her head, but smiled at him. “Thank you for preparing all of that for us.”

It looked like that reassured him; he nodded quickly and seemed to relax. He reached for her other hand and put his forehead to hers.

“I love you,” he said. “I wanna make you happy.”

Tsumekusa rubbed the tip of her nose against his. “You do,” she told him. “I’m happy just to be here with you.”

She heard his shaky sigh, and then felt his hands trailing up her arms. They came to rest on either side of her face, cradling her as he kissed her forehead. Then the slope of her nose. Then a cheek, and then, finally, her lips.

“I love you,” she mouthed against him. He groaned.

“Could you… can…” He pulled back, still holding her face. Shigezane looked away and swallowed thickly. When his eyes sought hers again, he whispered, “Can I watch you undress?”

She blushed, but nodded. He smiled at her shyly, and pressed one more achingly sweet kiss to her mouth before stepping away and sitting on the other side of the bedding.

Tsumekusa had never done this in front of a man—had never done it _for_ a man. She traced the cord around her obi with her fingers, finding the pretty beaded string and remembering him rolling one of the beads with his fingers during their time together this morning. It gave her a dreamy peace that stayed in her heart as she untied the cord, and then undid the knot on her obi. Her robes went slack.

She didn’t know how to make disrobing particularly sultry, but when she dared to glance at Shigezane he was looking at her like a man in a trance.

She tried to slow down, at least, and took her time untying her slip. There was nothing to hold it on her body without the tie, and she hesitated and sought out Shigezane’s eyes again.

“Beautiful,” he whispered. It warmed her to her toes, and she let it fall.

Attempting to be graceful, she slid her hands to the front of her robes and grasped the collars.

Shigezane’s mouth fell open, and he nodded slightly.

She shrugged the robes to her shoulders, and then let them fall, too.

“I want to touch you,” he said, like it was paining him not to.

She took the steps to him grateful they didn’t have to be apart much longer. Tsumekusa bent to take his hand, and put it at her hip.

“Do,” she said. “I want you to.”

His hand went tense. She stroked it with her own and he slowly relaxed. He began to flex his fingers, kneading her flesh. The sensation went to her core, and despite their kissing and her undressing, the hot shock of it in her belly felt like the first sexual thing they had done.

“So _soft_ ,” he marveled. His palm was sliding over the curve of her hip, the warmth and reverent attention welcome. Her nudity was not precisely comfortable, but she still felt the bone-deep safety Shigezane provided.

She smiled down at him and reached for his hair. In the lamplight of his room it looked bronze and exceptionally soft. It was. When she threaded her fingers through it he tilted his head back to look up at her. From that angle he could not miss the underside of her breasts, but his eyes fixed on hers.

“You’re so lovely,” he said reverently.

It made her blush and shiver, but not shy away from him.

“You make me feel that way,” she whispered. He gave her a sweet smile. And then he leaned forward and kissed the skin of the front of her hip. He nuzzled the skin there, touching her and laying open-mouthed kisses against her freely… except for where his work was making heat settle in her body. His arms came up to embrace her legs and he rested his cheek against her hip. His breath so close to her most sensitive place made her legs shift against each other.

Without asking, she knelt in front of him.  

“I want to see you, too,” she said.

His eyes went wide and he audibly swallowed, but he nodded.

She put her hands against his chest, feeling the vibrant thump of his heartbeat on the other side of his skin. Then she slid them down to the knot of his hakama. While she worked on that, she pressed kisses to his cheek and jaw. Shigezane threw his head back to give her better access, and he whimpered.

Gently, quietly, she shushed and reassured him. When the knot was undone, she put her arms around him.

“Please,” Tsumekusa said, “Let me see.”

Shigezane stood and shimmed out of his hakama like his life depended on it. It made her smile. She sat on her knees, watching as he slid off his own kimono. His eyes flicked toward hers and she nodded encouragingly.

She could see the fabric of his fundoshi straining around his hardness. The masculinity of it, and of his abdomen and strong arms, made her mouth water. She tried not to stare as he removed the undergarment but she was desperately curious. It took her a moment to realize he was chuckling at her.

“Here,” he said, smiling as he kneeled back down to her. “Please, relax,” and he laid her down gently on the softness of his futon. She reached for him but he stayed where he was, a satisfied little smile on his face. Then his expression turned determined.

“I want to kiss you everywhere,” he told her fiercely. The thrill of it went directly to her core, warm arousal rising to simmer. She watched as he moved to the foot of the bedding, but when he kissed the inside of her ankle her eyes closed and the back of her head pressed into the futon.

He kissed a trail up her legs, covering both with his mouth and his hands. He murmured praise right into her navel until she was shifting and impatient for him to go higher (or lower), and then he surprised her by kissing the fingertips of one of her hands. Shigezane crossed over her body several times, moving up to her shoulders. She was rolling her hips up at him by the time he settled himself over her and sought out her mouth.

“And then,” he murmured, amusement making his voice rich and tempting, “We have these.” His hands cupped her breasts at last, and a moan fluttered out of her. “These,” he repeated, kneading, pinching, rolling, feeling.

When she breathed out another sound, he said, “I like that, too,” and kissed her again. “We’re alone here,” he promised against her mouth, “It’s safe.”

And the thought that he had made that provision for their privacy, and that he wanted to reassure her, made her moan again.

“Yeah,” he said thickly, and then he took one of her nipples in his mouth.

The jolt of feeling that caused made her reach for him. She could feel his body, tantalizing and warm, between her legs, but she needed more contact or it felt like she would go through her own skin. When her hands found the back of his head, she pulled him closer. He released one breast to stroke her arm. “I’m not going anywhere,” he said quietly.

He suckled at her just as reverently as he had kissed the rest of her body. His lips and tongue and teeth explored her, and she held him close. Shigezane seemed more desperate for contact than skilled, but she loved what he was doing and she could feel his desire for her in every movement. As he played with her breasts he became positively rigid between their legs, and she felt she had been quite patient enough.

“Shigezane,” she breathed as he moved back up to kiss her. She pushed her hips up toward his, breath catching as his cock slid along the wetness of her slit just as his mouth found hers. “Please.”

He looked at her as one of his hands slid below her thigh, lifting her slightly.

“Is this what you want?” he asked. He sounded as vulnerable as she felt.

“Yes,” she said.

He took himself in hand and rubbed the head of his cock at her entrance, nudging against the tender spot above. It was wonderful, but he seemed to be hesitating.

“Please,” she repeated. Tsumekusa knew she was looking at him with a wanton expression. His eyes were on hers, searching.

“Trust me,” she said, trying very hard to keep her hips from rolling toward his. “I want you.”

Something beautiful and dark flashed in his narrowed eyes as he slowly pushed into her and brought his chest back to hers.

He was thick enough to be stretching her, in a perfect, comfortable way. Like a stretch in the sun after a catnap. If she swooned right now she would do so with a smile on her face. She knew it was silly to think that their bodies had been formed just for one another, but he made her so happy and their bodies fit together so well she let herself dream for just a moment that this _was_ meant to happen. That every turn of their lives until this point had spun them toward one another and to this. Even if this was just happy chance, thank the heavens. These feelings were worth everything.  
  
“Sh-Shige…” she managed, as breathily as she had ever heard herself speak. Now she did bring her hips up, trying to press him in more, to bring their bodies closer, to join more completely. Her wrists were behind his neck and she wanted to pull him close so she could feel their chests press together. She wanted to cup his cheeks and kiss him. But she also wanted to give him time. She trusted he knew that she wanted his kiss.  
  
He stayed tense a moment, took a deep breath. “Tsumekusa…” he said, with so much awe she knew he was happy too. So she started beaming, feeling a giggle rise in her throat. “You feel…”

“I know,” she said, smiling up at him. “You, too. This is special.” She would not pull him down yet but she could not help herself: she started rubbing the back of his neck. She was a complete fool for him. She wouldn’t think about the danger of it. She just wanted to make him feel loved. Her muscles were gradually squeezing him as she learned how to work her body, an opportunity she had never had before and would never have had without his stillness.

“Yeah,” he replied. His voice was low and a little bit shaky. His eyes focused on her shoulder, her neck. Not her eyes. “I, um. I want you to know that I am really, really crazy about everything about you, and—”

“Shigezane,” she said, a gentle warning. His eyes snapped back to hers.

“Yeah?”

“I know,” she said, softly, trying to make her affection plain in her eyes, trying to coax that smile back. “I love you. I am right here, and I don’t want to be anywhere else but with you. So please be here with me.”

“Woman,” he groaned, relief palpable as his eyes closed. He dropped down to press a reverent kiss to her forehead.

She threw a little more of her caution to the wind.

“ _Your_ woman,” she said. She could not help herself. She would show him how dear he was to her and damn the consequences.

“Yours,” she said again.

He _growled_. And before she could process her surprise at that, he moved to kiss her mouth and push himself the last bit of way into her body. She felt her shoulders press back into the bedding to drive her chest up into his, at last feeling that warm, perfect contact. Her breathy groan into his mouth encouraged his own noise of appreciation.

She tried to think, but could not manage it. She had wanted to make him feel loved and overwhelmed, but was too far gone herself. The way Shigezane fit in her body and held her so close made her able to do nothing but feel and move and breathe and moan. At last she remembered to move her hands and push her fingers up against his scalp. Something about the closeness of it settled her heart.

Tsumekusa wrapped her legs around his. They kissed and rolled their hips into one another, holding each other all the while. And it was ecstasy, some bright, beautiful place the year had brought them, now urging them closer to an even higher tier of bliss.

He moved from her mouth to her ear, and she tried to follow so she could keep kissing him but he nudged her face aside. “Tsumekusa,” he groaned onto her cheek. “I think you’re what they call a ‘heavenly being’.” Even as he was joking the low, needy sound of his voice made everything in her tighten.

But.

“No,” she said fiercely. “Woman. Your woman.” She trailed her hands one at a time down his neck, using the backs of her fingernails to press lightly into his skin.

“As long as you wish it,” she whispered desperately into his ear before kissing it. There was a flicker in her thoughts that this was too much power to give a man who was so far above her, she should not have phrased it like that, but it was gone almost as soon as it arrived. What she said was true.

“Always,” he insisted, his arms moving out from under her to either side of her shoulders. “Always gonna wish it, doll.” That same practical fear flared and then vanished. It really didn’t matter. Now was now, and this was precious. And Shigezane was Shigezane, and he deserved more faith from her.

His cock continued to make her feel perfectly full. Their pace was slow but not torturous—it felt too good to be anything but luxurious and comforting. Each time their hips met Tsumekusa could hear his breath hitch, and it kept her smiling.

“I love you,” she breathed, knowing she had already said it but also that it made both of them happy to hear it.

She had not expected it to make him throb inside her body, and _oh_ , what a feeling **_that_** was.

“I’m pretty sure I’m totally at your mercy, y’know,” he said with a little laugh. It was self-deprecating but not unhappy, and another piece of the wall around her deepest feelings dropped into nothingness.

Tsumekusa pushed herself as far up as she could to meet his body. She slid her hands down to his solid arms, clutching at the biceps to steady herself. “I’ll treat you kindly,” she teased.

Oh, another delicious twitch of him within her. Did he like… talk, during?

“The way that you’re stretching me...” she tried. She felt her face warm but decided to keep going. Because she had also felt Shigezane’s body go tense, attentive. She pressed her fingers into the muscles of his arms. “It’s… warm, no, it’s hot … it’s _good_ , it feels _really_ good.”

He groaned, and slid his arms under her on the bedding. He squeezed her chest to his as he pushed into her again and brought his forehead to meet hers. “Tsumekusa. You can’t do that. I love it, but don’t.”

She had wanted to do something silly and fun, but it had turned out to just be silly and stupid. She blinked and told herself not. to. cry.

“I’m sorry,” she said in a small voice, because it felt like the only thing to do. He was above her, his body still, just holding her tightly to him. He moved to look at her face.

“Hey, hey! No. Doll—Tsumekusa. No. Please. I liked it! I just can’t stand it.” He was sitting up and bringing her with him to sit on his lap, holding her close. His cock slid out of her and she whined before she could stop herself. She brought her hands up to hide as much of her face as she could. Shigezane settled her in his lap and took her hands, pulling them gently away from her cheeks. He nudged her nose, then kissed it, and said “Shh, hey. You’re perfect. It was good.”

“You’re confusing me,” she said, but she felt petulant now, not hurt, and calm enough to wait for him to elaborate.

Shigezane cleared his throat. “Well… when you talk like that, it drives a man a little wild.”

“That’s what I was trying to do!”

He groaned. When his mouth came to hers, he tugged at her lip with his tongue and teeth until she opened to him. She let out a single cry, relieved.

“You gonna take responsibility for all that, then?” he crooned against her, a single push of his groin showing he was quite fine indeed. She could feel his thighs tense underneath hers as he gently repositioned himself at her entrance.

Oh, oh. This was okay. This was better than okay.

“Yes,” she said, practically whining. “I want to make you feel good, too.”

“You do,” he said simply with a sweet grin, and then he grunted and he was pressing inside her again. His hands went to her hips, kneading gently.

Truthfully, this stretch was even better. Not as deep, but constantly rubbing at a place inside her that felt so good each time his cock stroked it just by moving.

“How’s that, then?” Shigezane asked, tense.

“Nnnnnnmevenbetter,” Tsumekusa moaned out the truth. She shut her eyes to block out anything that wasn’t the feeling of him touching her and moving within her.

“Yeah,” he said, relaxing, and then, “ _Fuck_.” The slow, powerful roll of his hips up to hers was exquisite.

She put her arms around him and sought out his mouth for more kisses, the bounce of their motion making things difficult… but not impossible. The pace he was setting was easy to move with, and the time when their mouths parted allowed her to moan bits of his name. She kept feeling things, sensations tensing toward something wonderful.

Shigezane slowed, his hands on her back soothing her to do the same.

“Hey, would you mind, ah… can I watch you more?”

She nodded with an indulgent smile and squeezed herself around him. His eyes rolled back and he put his hands on her waist to hold her where she was as his back hit the bedding. They rearranged their legs so she could move comfortably. Shigezane brought her hands to his chest as she tried moving on him—oh, oh. This might be even better, still. This way she could control how deeply he went in her body, and their position meant he rubbed that spot inside her each time she moved.

So she moved a lot, gripping his shoulders and trying to press her breasts together with her arms.

He swore beneath her and brought his hips up, deeper still. A breathy cry left her mouth from the surprise of it.

“Doll—you—okay?”

“Mmhmm, good” she said, moving more and hoping he would, too. She felt so close to the crest of all this stimulation, and she had never come around a man before. She wanted to do that now, with him.

Shigezane was getting more vocal and grabby, pushing his fingers into flesh of her rear as his thumbs dimpled the front of her hips. He was moving faster, too.

“Tsume—!” he said suddenly, and he held her in place as he thrust and trembled below her, within her. She gasped at his hardness and the warmth.

As he pulsed the last time, he groaned, tightening and then relaxing his hold on her. He fell back onto the bedding, breathing heavily.

She watched him—adored him—as he came down. His chest was heaving, a light sheen of sweat catching the glow of the lamps. She reached to stroke the handsome flush on his cheek and move a lock of hair away from his eyes. Eyes still closed, he caught her fingers and kissed them, then pulled her down to rest against his chest. She closed her own eyes, listening to his heartbeat as he stroked her hair.

“I love you,” he said. He said it again. She smiled and squeezed the hand holding hers. He trailed his fingertips in the small of her back, making swirls. It was cozy, but after a moment she began to fidget.

“Hmm?” he asked, lifting his head.

“I…” she started. How to put it?

“OH! Oh.” His blush was back and it made her want to giggle. “I’m sorry—you felt so good, and I felt so good, I… couldn’t tell.” He looked so dismayed.

She stretched to share her smile, and to kiss him.

“I want to take care of you,” he insisted against her lips.

“Okay,” she said.

“Okay,” he repeated, happy eagerness in his voice. He sounded lovedrunk, now, and it made her giddy.

“Could you use your fingers?” she asked shyly.

With a grin, he said, “That would be my pleasure, doll,” and then he kissed her once more, a sweet and sultry promise.

Shigezane rolled onto his side and brought her back to his chest. He felt so warm and solid behind her she wiggled against him. The arm under her hugged her chest. His other hand moved down her body. When he reached her tummy he tickled her enough to make her wiggle again, and he laughed and kissed her shoulder as his hand went lower still.

“What do you like?” he asked quietly.

Tsumekusa had been very honest with her feelings, but she wasn’t ready to be quite _that_ forthcoming. She bit her lip and reached for his hand, seeking out his fingers. She guided him to her clit and pressed a few slow, firm circles.

“This,” she said.

“Okay.” His voice was so devoted, around even that simple word. She moved against him again, tilting herself toward his hand. “Just tell me if you want something different.”

She nodded, and shut her eyes, and let him make her feel wonderful.

He did exactly what she asked each time she gave him new direction, and pleasure was quick to fly through her body, making her warm all over again.   

“Close,” she said.

“Good,” he murmured darkly into her ear, and it went right to where he was working her. His other hand was massaging her breasts, just enough to add to what he was doing to her most sensitive spot.

She grabbed the arm he had around her.

“Just like that, beautiful,” said Shigezane at her ear, but she was letting out a cry as she came, and barely heard him.

Tsumekusa went boneless in his arms. Shigezane cupped her sex as she caught her breath, then moved his arm around her middle. He pressed her to his body in a gentle embrace.

She hummed. He chuckled.

“Next time I’ll do better,” he said.

She smiled.

“Next time,” he whispered, and kissed the back of her head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shamless author beg: if you like it, TELL ME. My ego is bruised lately and your comments make me feel better/make it easier to write!


	9. Autumn (6)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pillow talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for every kudo and comment. Y'all are the best. One more chapter after this one, and I will try to get it up quick!

Autumn, Omori

When they woke from their indolent dozing, it was still deep night. Tsumekusa had turned to snuggle against the breadth of his chest and marvel at his warmth and smoothness. And scent. She couldn’t get enough of the gentle smells of rice and dried grass that were laid over his skin. They were common but lovely scents, and together they supported her dreaming of a domestic, tranquil, together every day kind of love. She wanted that. But she didn’t want to rush into hearing she could not have it, so she kept her thoughts to herself. Instead she luxuriated in being tucked against him, loved and sated. Able to be there at all.

“C’mere,” Shigezane said softly.

She scooted up his body as he lay on his back. His arms opened to allow her movement and then immediately closed around her when she had settled atop his chest. She looked down at him, comfortable.

“I’m not letting you go—do you _want_ to go?”

“No,” she said, shaking her head and trying to show him the truth of it with her voice, with her eyes. “I want to stay with you forever.”

Shigezane grinned and his head did a silly, happy little swivel. “Well, Tsumeme, if that’s what you want, that’s what you’ll have.”

“Tsume _kusa_ ,” she scolded, but she thought the giggle at the end might have ruined the effect.

When she looked at his face again, she reconsidered. His expression was tender and patient. He looked like a man who wanted to indulge her.

Maybe he was.

She wanted to indulge him, too.

“I love you,” she told him, ducking down to brush her nose against his. The naked happiness of his smile pushed her to keep going.

“I love the way you smell,” she confessed, honesty smoothing her embarrassment.

He looked surprised but happy.

“I love how gentle you are with me,” she said, settling her cheek delicately back onto his chest.

After a moment, he said quietly, “Your eyes, I love those. They tell me what you’re thinking. Sometimes. I can tell when you’re happy.”

“You should see them now,” she mused, smiling against his skin.

“I think they’re closed,” he said, a hand urging her chin up. He was right, and she kept them closed and tried not to laugh. “Hmm. What to do?” he asked, and her smile widened.

He craned his neck to brush a kiss against each of her eyelids. She opened them when he was finished.

“Like that,” he said, his mouth lopsided with the sweetest smile she had ever seen. She pressed a kiss to it and put her hand on his heart.

“Like that,” she agreed.

“Your good nature,” she said, more seriously. “I love the way you keep people safe.” He bit the inside of his cheek and fidgeted. It made her want to tease him but she moved on. “And your smile,” she added. “It makes me feel warm.” The smile he gave her, eyes back to hers and a blush just touching the apples of his cheeks, was so adorable she moved to kiss it and see if it tasted any sweeter than the others. 

When she pulled away to look at his face and continue, he spoke first.

“I’m a little jealous, but I admire how competently you serve—um. Masamune. And… Kojuro.”

What was all that? Knowing the confusion was evident on her face, she waited.

“Ah, well. Kojuro.”

“Lord Kojuro…?”

“I told him. Months ago. That I was hoping we would try to be together. And asked him to just… I don’t know, it was a weird conversation. I asked him to give you lots of space.”

“Why?”

He was pink, and even more fidgety.

“Before, a few times… he’s charmed people I like.”

Oh. _Oh_.

“And the other day. Um. The other night. I told him—I thought…” He took in a deep breath and sighed. “I told him we were. Or at least I was, definitely. And, good guy that he is, he offered to give _us_ space.”

Tsumekusa hummed, trying to sort out her thoughts on that. It was presumptuous, and needless, for Lord Kojuro to have separated from Lord Masamune, but she appreciated the thought behind it. “That’s why he left?” she asked. Shigezane hummed, too, in agreement.

That was probably why Lord Kojuro had been distant the last few months, then. He had not been severe with her, but very within propriety.

“Lord Masamune started talking to me more, when they were together,” she said softly. “I think that must be why.”

Shigezane nodded. His arms squeezed around her back.  

“I think Lord Kojuro is a fine man,” she added, “And he has been very good to me, and to my family.”

Shigezane listened, little tells of sadness and worry evident in his face. But he listened. She knew it took bravery. She loved him more for it.

“But you have been…” She couldn’t match his courage and say what was in her throat, that he had been even better to her heart. Instead, she told him “I do not think I could ever love anyone like I love you.”

One of his hands moved to cup her face. She pressed her cheek into the cradle of his palm and kept her eyes on his. Before she could contain it, she yawned widely. It might have ruined the moment, but Shigezane looked at her with relief and affection.

“Hey, sleepyhead... do you think I should call him back?” he asked.

Was he asking her for feedback because he wanted her thoughts to make his own decision? She wasn’t sure. His voice had seemed normal, curious. It reminded her of the way Lord Masamune asked Lord Kojuro for his opinion, and if it was that kind of question… Well. The skin of her legs prickled a little at the idea that he might want to know her thoughts like an equal.

“I don’t much care,” she dared to answer with a smile. “His being here, or in Yonezawa, is not going to change that I love you, Shigezane.”

His own smile, tremulous, begged to be kissed away. As she leaned down to his mouth, he whispered “I love you,” so their kisses started with both of them smiling. While their lips slid gently against one another, Shigezane held her to his body, the musculature of his form softened by his skin. His arms around her made her feel safe and treasured, his hand threaded through the hair at the back of her head made her feel desired.

When their kisses wound down, she settled against his shoulder. She wanted to press her nose to his neck to get more of his smell, and drift off in the comfort of his arms, but…  

“I need to wake up in time for breakfast,” she said sleepily.

“We can sleep in,” he reassured her with a squeeze.

“I do. Lord Masamune…”

“Tsumekusa?” his interruption sounded confused.

“…Yes?” She didn’t open her eyes, but she tried to focus on him instead of how drowsy she felt.

“Wait. Do you think things are going, ah… back to normal tomorrow? Is that what you want?”

“I don’t know,” she murmured honestly.

“I want you to stay,” he said quietly.

“I want that, too,” she said. Sleep was so close.

“So stay with me,” he said. Was he pleading or reasoning? She was too comfortable to quite puzzle it out.

The last thing she knew was her fingers going slack on his skin, his wonderful skin that smelled like comfort, smelled like love. _Shigezane_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HIS ROUTE IS HERE HIS ROUTE IS HERE!!! I just started playing it today. Day one isn't too soon to be in love with him, right? RIGHT. ZOMG. Are you playing? How much do YOU love him?!


	10. Autumn (7)

Last Morning of Autumn, Omori

She woke up in the early morning tucked closely against him. Was there any better place to be? The warm nest they had made of each other’s arms was peaceful and reassuring.

But Tsumekusa knew from the increasing light coming into the room that she needed to go to the kitchens. She gave herself a minute to look at his beautiful face, watch him lift with each breath. His lips were slightly parted and her fingers itched to slide along that skin. Her mouth wanted to be fit against his and murmur that she loved him very much.

But she needed to go to the kitchens. So she settled for adoring him a moment, and then tried to shift out of his arms without waking him. Their naked skin didn’t quite allow for it.

“Hey,” he mumbled, “No.” He looked and sounded sleep mussed, and her heart fluttered. “It’s okay. Stay. You can stay,” he insisted, squeezing her.

“But Lord Masamune…”

Shigezane blinked a few times, clearly trying to wake up.

“Junshi is making breakfast. Shiromi will be with Masamune all day,” Shigezane said gently. “We don’t have to go anywhere. You can stay. Please stay.”

That seemed tidy enough, but Lord Masamune had said that he needed to be able to trust to eat. That conversation felt like such a long time ago—had it only been a few days? She fretted at the inside of her mouth, rubbing her fingers together and trying to figure out what to do. Shigezane wasn’t so in love he would make her neglect her duty… right? Either way, her responsibility was her responsibility.

Shigezane squeezed her hands in one of his. The he sat them up in bed, wrapped the blanket around her, and cupped her face with his hands. The thin light of morning made his skin glow. She noticed a scar on one of his shoulders. She wanted to kiss it.

“What do you think you need to do, and what do you want to do?” he asked soothingly.

Tsumekusa sighed. “I think I need to prepare breakfast for Lord Masamune. I trust Junshi but I don’t know if Lord Masamune does, and he needs to eat.”

Shigezane nodded. “And what do you _want_ to do?”

 _I want to look at shoulders in this early light, and then in midday light, and then all afternoon_.

She clutched their covers around her with one hand and laid the other on his arm. “I wish I could stay,” she said in a small voice.

Shigezane smiled at her. “You can. You should. Masamune _does_ trust Junshi.”

“Then why am I here?” she asked, trying to get him to see reason.

He sat back and gave her a pointed look, seeming a little wounded.

Many things about the trip to Omori dawned on her at once. Lord Masamune had been to Omori before, and eaten without her. Lord Masamune had asked the pointed question about knowing how to get back to the kitchens that had set Shigezane off with her. She felt her eyes go quite wide, and her mouth open on a little gasp. Shigezane watched her with gentle regard on his face and said nothing.

When she finally had words, she asked, “Am I here to be with you?”

He smiled, the charm of it going to her toes and deep into her belly and her heart.

“If you want to be,” he said, warm sweetness in every touch and movement as he leaned forward to kiss one of her cheeks.

When she didn’t say anything for a moment, he pulled away. “Do you?” he asked.

She nodded immediately, still in shock that samurai had conspired to bring her to Omori. She thought she was needed for… food! And she had thought her feelings were so private; she hadn’t had any idea of Shigezane’s until two nights ago. Tsumekusa wasn’t from a noble family. What would stop someone from taking her away from here on whims she didn’t fully understand?

Shigezane exhaled and brought his forehead to hers. It was centering. She still couldn’t get enough of his skin and their contact, but woven with that need there was peace in being with him.

He moved his hands down to cover hers, tightly clenched in her lap. “Tsumekusa,” he murmured, and he nuzzled at her nose with his.

That settled her worried mind further. She realized that so many of the concerns she’d had over the last few months might have been comfortably dismissed if they had talked sooner. It had not felt possible, with the difference in their stations and the way she thought of him, but maybe it would be better, now, to just ask him.

But before she could, he spoke.

Quietly, his voice deeper than usual, he said “If you’ll have me, I want to woo you—to marry you.” His eyes were closed and the tip of his nose was touching hers. “We can do whatever you want, I will get you anything that is in my power. Just tell me what those things are, please.”

**_I want to woo you_ **

Her mind was curiously blank. She had gone from worry to frenzied thought to calm to shock.

What had she wanted to ask him?

**_to marry you_ **

“…Can we do that?” she asked.

“Do what? I mean, yes, whatever it is. What do you want to do?” He was still close, brushing her nose with his. His hands were covering hers with the gentlest pressure and he was angling for a kiss she wanted, too. But.

“Can we _be_ married?”

“Do you want to marry me, Tsumekusa? ‘Cause I want to marry you.” The simple clarity of his voice, his words, made everything seem still around them.

“Yes,” she whispered.

“Then that settles it. Really.” He sounded so convinced. 

He moved to kiss her and nipped at her bottom lip. Her eyes opened to his face right in front of her.

“It’s that simple, I promise. If you want to be with me, I will never let anyone take you away,” he told her, before kissing her again.

Oh, well. Well.

“But _that_ is too much serious talk, way too early in the morning, especially on a happy day,” he said, with a wiggle of his eyebrows. Tsumekusa felt her smile, beckoned by his, come up on her face.

He sobered. “Unless you want more serious talk,” he said.

She shook her head, still smiling. “No. But I’m not sure what to do with myself at this time of morning, if I’m not going to cook,” she told him.

Shigezane made a show of looking thoughtful, then leaned in and whispered a very forward suggestion in her ear. She felt her face go warm.

She leaned back to look at him. He nodded so encouragingly, so hopefully, that she laughed. He was dazzling, and she was smitten.

So Tsumekusa threw her arms around him. The movement dislodged his hands, and he opened his arms to receive her. She settled her body against his slightly chilly skin, and covered his face with kisses to warm him. Shigezane laughed then, too, the sound so very real and full it made love bloom like spring triumphant in her body.  
  
"I think I need to stay with you," she told him breathlessly when she had given up on getting her fill of pressing kisses to his cheeks.

"Perfect plan," he answered, kissing her sweetly. "Best plan," he said against her mouth before his tongue sought hers.

They made plans—and wishes—until well into the afternoon. In the years that followed, they were lucky enough that a good many came true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And they banged and banged and banged and made babies like bunnies. HEART EYES FOREVER. 
> 
> Epilogue to come, but this is the end of the main story. They have to get out of bed eventually. XD


End file.
